Spec Fic Comp: Special Mention!

I’ve got one more entry to post. This entry actually placed in the competition, but owing to the unfortunate fact that the writer is married to yours truly, she was ruled ineligible. But I’m posting it because it’s everything I like about good writing: strong imagery and simple, effective structure.

This is Elisa Simpson’s entry:

Some would say that a snake could slither ever so silently along the branches of a tree but to him, it was as loud as thunder. As he watched her from underneath the old apple tree, he felt no fear from the loudness of the approaching snake but rather wandered whether her long, ebony hair blowing softly in the breeze was real or an illusion. He sensed there was a fantasy element to her; an Adam & Eve feel to the moment. He started walking towards her but she seemed to get farther away with each step. He started running. Who was she? Where was he? Although his movements were slow and difficult, each step had certain grandness – what he had always imagined it would be like to walk on a cloud, or the moon. He looked down at his feet to reason with them to move properly, to see what was wrong but there wasn’t anything to see, just a dark, deep hole – What was happening?

Confused but still emotionless, the image of the woman with the long hair began to disappear and float further away from him, he kept reaching out trying to control his movements but to no avail, he could hear her soft whisper “Follow me” then the sound of the slithering snake in the tree which he could not get away from.

The woman figure then stopped slipping away; he could still see her in the distance but could no longer hear her calling. The sun suddenly rose above the horizon with a blinding brightness but a surprising coolness. As she turned to see him the intense wave of brightness embraced him and he was blinded. He could not feel anything. He could not hear anything. Everything was quiet and still. He had stopped, he had finally stopped running.


2 Responses to Spec Fic Comp: Special Mention!

  1. Ghylene says:

    Vivid detailed descriptions really helped me visualize it all. Could this be the beginning of a husband and wife writing team? That would be cool!

  2. simoncarabetta says:

    This is brilliantly written. I’m actually appreciating it more the second time of reading it, even though I was blown away the first time.

    I fully agree with Ghylene in her comment, this is certainly a great example of descriptive writing.

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